Never go anywhere with men or ladies you don’t know

October 28, 2009 at 7:19 pm | In Eating disorders | 44 Comments
Tags: anorexia, bulimia, denial, depression, Eating disorders, god damn it, I love my ED and will not be told otherwise, mental health, mental illness, need to strengthen those barriers, relapse IS fun really, trying very hard to relapse

Now look you lot, yes, You, don’t gaze blankly at the computer screen pretending you don’t know what I’m on about. I’m watching you. I’m not impressed whatsoever with all this support and common sense which is coming my way. You are like, totally ruining this relapse for me! Pack it in, I’m trying to self destruct over here. You know it’s taken me all of last night and most of today to unpick the sensible comments from this blog, the emails from She who shall remain nameless, and a chat with He shall remain nameless too.

I was worried for a little while last night some of it might sink in, and I might actually stop what I’m doing. Fortunately I managed to untangle myself after a fashion. But seriously? What are you trying to do to me? Obviously I’m making a point by not eating today, but fuck’s sake, that’s not going to undo the tiny flashes of insight I’ve had about myself. Anyone would think you lot want me to be happy! How am I supposed to hate myself if people keep caring? And how am I supposed to pretend I’m relapsing at the luxury of the God’s when I keep remembering triggers over the past month, because people keep provoking thoughts? Obviously I’m not going to tell anyone what they were, because that might make me think about them even more, and then, well, that’s just asking for progress isn’t it?

So yeah. Consider yourself warned! Strangers off the internet. You are nothing but a bunch of little squares to me. So there! Ha! I don’t care what you think whatsoever…

Lola x

44 Comments »

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*giggle* ahem. sure, you go on doing the hating yourself thing and the rest of us will keep listening until you realise we’re not going away… muhahah you’re totally stuck with us

Comment by Catatonic Kid — October 28, 2009 #

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- Bugger off!
  
  Comment by Lola Snow — October 30, 2009 #
  
  Reply
I like you too

Wait! That is what you meant?

Comment by Claire — October 28, 2009 #

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- Bite me! You are nothing but spam! Spam I tell you!
  
  Comment by Lola Snow — October 30, 2009 #
  
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  - I am a dreaded compliment bot
    
    /bites a chunk
    
    Comment by Claire — October 31, 2009 #
    
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LOL

Comment by fromthesamesky — October 28, 2009 #

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- I don’t care about you. I’m only replying because I’m bored.
  
  Comment by Lola Snow — October 30, 2009 #
  
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Who are these supposedly caring people trying to ruin everything for you? If they were really your friends they’d understand how important this is and be a little more supportive of what you’re trying to do here. Besides which, you can’t stop. You tried, and that’s all anyone can expect. No one could possibly think you could turn this super tanker around once you’ve already got it going.

Comment by vive42 — October 28, 2009 #

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- Nope. I am doomed. Not that your opinion matters to me whatsoever.
  
  Comment by Lola Snow — October 30, 2009 #
  
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from one square to another.

i don’t care about you as much as you don’t care about me (and don’t leave messages on my patch).

!!!

xx

Comment by Susie Belle — October 28, 2009 #

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- They’re all fakes. I’m just trying to up my ratings. I don’t care or empathise with you
  
  Comment by Lola Snow — October 30, 2009 #
  
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  - well right back at you Snow :p
    
    Comment by Susie Belle — October 30, 2009 #
    
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I’m with you, love. I do wish people would stop trying to take these sodding mental health conditions seriously, they keep ruining my jokes!

Comment by Karita — October 28, 2009 #

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- I am doing nothing stupid. I am not sick!
  
  Comment by Lola Snow — October 30, 2009 #
  
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You are hilarious. And I’m not going to just up and leave you alone, so deal with it

Comment by Kim — October 28, 2009 #

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- Screw you!
  
  Comment by Lola Snow — October 30, 2009 #
  
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Sure we don’t care about you. Now get better and forget the relapse!

Comment by Angela — October 28, 2009 #

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- Bah! I’m not listening….
  
  Comment by Lola Snow — October 30, 2009 #
  
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hehe. I don’t think you’ve got much chance of people listening to your plea … XXX

Comment by mybeautifulleah — October 28, 2009 #

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- Grrrr! What is wrong with you people!!! How’s a girl supposed to get sick, eh?
  
  Comment by Lola Snow — October 30, 2009 #
  
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Good to see that there was some humour in amongst the words that you’ve found this last wee while girl.

We’re not real anyway, just 1’s and 0’s jumbled together in a mishmash of ordinary nonsense… But we’ve got to be right sometimes… right?

Stay cool… x

Comment by John Condron — October 28, 2009 #

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- Nope. You are one of the worst. I don’t care about you Kiddo. I’m a horrible mean person. I hate you.
  
  Comment by Lola Snow — October 30, 2009 #
  
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I think you could make me laugh on your (or my) deathbed. But that still doesn’t make what you are doing to yourself good.

I wish you knew how wonderful you are.

Comment by Rebecca — October 28, 2009 #

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- Me too. Well said, Rebecca.
  
  Comment by cbtish — October 29, 2009 #
  
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- *sulks* Am not! Stop encouraging each other.
  
  Comment by Lola Snow — October 30, 2009 #
  
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Ooh dear, I would never, and nor would any wot of them persons wot I know would ever meet up with internet dangers if I didn’t know them, like. No sirree. No never no more. Far too strangerous.

Take care dear, keep on going Dx

Comment by abysmal musings — October 28, 2009 #

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- You! You! You stranger, get out! I feel nothing for you. You are inaudable.
  
  Comment by Lola Snow — October 30, 2009 #
  
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I think a very important key to recovery is a guaranteed limited time relapse. Sorry, it probably shouldn’t be said, but I really wish it so much.

Comment by grey kitty — October 28, 2009 #

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- That’s actually interesting enough to stop me in my tracks from leaving sarky comments to people’s well wishes. Wow! Where did you come from? x
  
  Comment by Lola Snow — October 30, 2009 #
  
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I’m afraid the horror will have to continue.
*Hugs*
Sorry I haven’t commented in so long.
I think you’ll be just fine, x

Comment by Rebecca. — October 29, 2009 #

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- Gah! No for the Love of God, make the Love stop!
  
  Comment by Lola Snow — October 30, 2009 #
  
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Well, soree. Over and out from the rabbit over here….

Comment by Kate — October 29, 2009 #

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- So you should be. You in particular should be aware how apathetic I am to your life. I care not a bean for you, Rabbit.
  
  Comment by Lola Snow — October 30, 2009 #
  
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Stranger danger; can’t rely on any of these lot for safety, eh?

Comment by Kate — October 29, 2009 #

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Well tough, cos these squares over here will just keep listening. Whahahahaha!

Comment by Chapati — October 29, 2009 #

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- Go away I am trying to ruin my life.
  
  Comment by Lola Snow — October 30, 2009 #
  
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Fine. No more caring. You can go back to haring yourself now. Have a lovely day, now, and be nice to yourself, if you can manage.

Oh, darn! So much for a terse un-feeling comment. Guess we all care too much, eh?

Comment by Tiger — October 29, 2009 #

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- and by haring, I meant hating. that’s what I get for commenting from my phone. =p
  
  Comment by Tiger — October 30, 2009 #
  
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  - I’m not feeling anything from the fact you took the time to comment from your phone. Nothing at all.
    
    Comment by Lola Snow — October 30, 2009 #
    
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I’m so jealous of you.

1) I’m a perfectionist, I want perfect grades. I suck at school. Found out I had a avergae IQ & something as ridiculous as that makes me want to kill myself.

2) I’ve tried to start blogs, something like this. I always fail.

3) You have so much support, so many friends. I need friends. I need support. But they all disappeared. People underestimate the power of internet friends. I am glad for the only one i do have. She saved my life once.

brb going to slit wrists now. Sorry for the drama queenness but I figured that I’ve saved up a fair few karma points & I’m going to spend some by saying what I really think even if I come off as whiny bitch.

p.s. I love you & your blog. I’ll eat if you do.

Comment by Another stranger, who's just a square. — October 30, 2009 #

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- That’s not whining. That’s amazing honesty. I admire you greatly, it takes courage to say stuff like that on a blog you love. You’re most welcome here little square. Come back soon.
  
  Lola x
  
  Comment by Lola Snow — October 30, 2009 #
  
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- I like what you think comes off as whiny bitch. Blatant honesty with a touch of humor. And, yes, starting a blog is scary. I nearly lost it, when I started mine.
  
  Comment by Tiger — October 31, 2009 #
  
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You can’t talk. Coming over, making comments all nice and helpful like. Let’s all just self-destruct in peace!

Look after yourself

Comment by anickdaler — October 31, 2009 #

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- Don’t know what you mean!
  
  Lola x
  
  Comment by Lola Snow — November 6, 2009 #
  
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