Red Wine Tart « Marine Snow

Red Wine Tart

August 23, 2008 at 8:52 pm | In Eating disorders | 6 Comments
Tags: binge, depression, Eating disorders, recovery

I want to recover

Tonight I have decided, that I wish to recover from my eating disorder. I should imagine there are a couple of reasons for this. The first is the large glass of Pinot Noir sitting next to my foot on the manky-brown carpet. If i want to recover then i can allow myself to guzzle down the 170 calories guilt free. Sup it all up like a giant wine devouring hoover, with nary a care in the world as to how this takes me over today’s 800 calorie limit. (By giant wine devouring hoover, I mean the hoover being giant, not the wine, although that sounds like another post entirely)

The second reason that I wish to recover is that I haven’t changed my mind for about ten minutes, and so am due an hours self-berating session, about how I am wasting my life, causing my friends and family immeasurable pain, and destroying my health.

That said, hang about for a bit, and read my next post entitled “I don’t need help, I’m fine. Now F*ck Off”

You see, like an alcoholic, i am prone to these Moments Of Clarity (Or possibly Claret?) Moments where it dawns on me that not EVERYONE in the entire world judges their self worth on the 0.1lbs that they have gained overnight, not everyone stands in front of the mirror for at least ten minutes out of every hour, trying desperately to see what all the fuss is about. Apparently, some people have more than five foods which they trust as “Safe”! Apparently, some people have social lives, romantic relationships, and worthwhile careers.

I suppose I should have started this blog two years ago, for my non existent readership to full comprehend the complete mess I’m making of my recovery. Unfortunately my motivation for all things not-related-to-my-eating-disorder, is insipid and somewhat sporadic. I just can’t prioritise anything anymore. I have a stack of things which I should currently be organising, but cannot seem to work out which is more important. I mean, is it more important to book an appointment at Toni & Guy for a long overdue haircut, or is it more important to book an ECG at the hospital, to ensure I am not facing imminent death? Yes, OK, I know intellectually which is the correct decision, but choose instead, neither. Instead I close the blackout blind and sit in the dusky gloom playing pointless games on Facebook. Denial is not such a bad option when the reality of your miserable situation sounds like a Panorama documentary.

By now I’ve probably offended the majority of my potential readership. Pro-Ana girls will have surfed onwards to a tragic demise, Panorama viewers will be frantically hitting their browser’s ‘Back’ button, i suppose I might get a stray silver surfer browsing for recipes (I am one, a recipe for disaster, and a red wine tart)

So anyway, I digress.

I have decided that in order to chart my recovery/journey further down the Body Mass Index, I am going to jump upon the blog bandwagon. This is my story, nothing can be said which has not been said before on the subject of the English Speaking, White, Middle class f*ck-up, so please set your expectations low.

Nice to meet you, My Name Is Lola Snow.

6 Comments »

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i will pray for your success…good luck

Comment by candyadderley — August 23, 2008 #

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You tell me to set my expectations low but you’ve got a way with puns which means you’re going to exceed them very very soon. I wish you best of luck and I’ll be back to stalk your blog soon, ‘kay?

Suzy x

Comment by dumpedbyahallucination — August 24, 2008 #

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***Does a little dance of excitement***
Oooh, someone read my stuff! Oh no, wait, should act cool in manner of experienced blogger
**Pops Collar like The Fonz, only far less Happy days***

Comment by operationlola — August 24, 2008 #

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Smile even more – you are my most recent post. Very good writing, keep it up, hopefully it’ll help you on the road to recovery/improvement

Comment by Chris Rigby — August 26, 2008 #

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I tried you email you this, but it bounced back. So I’m posting it here where I’m sure you’ll read it. Note that I was high at the time, so yeah.
Hey you mysterious thing, nameless creature. Who might be human if your blog is anything to go by.
I just wanted to email you saying thanks, not for all the fish (although I don’t mind them), but being such a damn good blogger. Not for your blog, which I’m sure you’ve had enough praise about, thus I refuse to inflate you further incase you explode. (after all, do we really want your ego splattering everywhere? Think of the children). But in your comments. I mean, I usually like to figure out what I’d like if I was in the other persons shoes, but when it comes to blogging, I’ll freely admit that I fail hard. Something to do with looking upon people through a flat rectangle beeming light throws off my usually quite accurate empathy. But I digress. What I wanted to say that your comments are the things that I wish I should have intended to say. And while I will admit I’m pumping at your ego, albeit somewhere slightly less pumped, I just wanted to point out something I’m envious of so that you might realise what value it has.
Thanks for getting this far
Felix.
(oh, I’m the guy who tortures people with the mad and the wild blog, just so you know)

Comment by NiroZ — February 5, 2009 #

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Thanks Felix, I sent you an email x

Comment by Lola Snow — February 7, 2009 #

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